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Miss Krystal

8/12/2019

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A long time ago someone gave me a Swiss Army Knife. It looked a lot like this one, except that the cover was bright red. It had a file, saw, screwdriver, fish scaler, scissors, corkscrew, on and on. As I recall, it did nothing well. Maybe it was a decent corkscrew, but I was 10 or 11 when it was given to me, so I have no idea. It taught me a valuable lesson: when something seems too good to be true, it probably is. And the corollary: when something tries to do too many things, it’s probably not going to be good at them all.

When cell phones first started catching on and were much smaller than the “brick” of the 1980s, the manufacturers started putting cameras in them. In keeping with the above rules, those early cameras were crap. They were trying to do too much.

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What does this have to do with music? Well, when I was researching the blog on “Cruel Summer,” I came across a cover done by Miss Krystle. Since I’d never heard of her, I went to Wikipedia for some information. You know how the first paragraph on Wikipedia gives you a thumbnail of their accomplishments? Well, here’s what it says: 

 “Krystle Delgado, popularly known as Miss Krystle, is an American singer, songwriter, music producer, entertainment attorney, and humanitarian.”

And I went – “Whaaa???” Keep in mind that if something, or in this case, someone, seem too good to be true, they probably are. So, I read further. It talked about her having been homeschooled. Cool, my kids were homeschooled, too. She went to law school and apparently also passed the Bar, making her probably somewhere in her late 20s – early 30s now, in spite of the Lolita-style stuff in her videos. The entire Wikipedia page reads like she wrote it when she was a teenager. There is even a section on her “Miss Krystle symbol” that she wears as a tattoo.

Her humanitarianism is that she has started a 501(c)3 charity designed to help prevent child abuse in her local area. Laudable to be sure.

This is not my style of music, so I asked some younger friends if they were familiar with her. No one was. I started looking at other articles on her, and they all appear to be smaller, regional press. Her videos seem to be doing reasonably well on YouTube, with some of the more recent ones breaking 100,000 views.

While her voice is electronically augmented, I could not hear any autotuning. And that is a big plus for her. Why, then, am I so put off by her? Perhaps she is on the verge of a major career and is working on branding herself for when that happens. Perhaps she is just amazingly pretentious.

I’ve been trying to figure out why I am not impressed. Something about this performer is, to me, off-putting. What?!?!? I feel like I should be supporting this young singer/songwriter/lawyer/ humanitarian. I find myself wanting a little more person and a little less hype. 

Then I asked myself if I would feel this way if she were male. And that’s when I realized where my problem lies. I wouldn’t be bothered if she were male, because a man would probably not do what she does. In her videos, she pouts and preens and alternates between a sex kitten and Lolita. She touts Lady Gaga as an inspiration. Lady Gaga comes across on her videos as a strong, confident, and yes, sexy woman. But, to the best of my knowledge, she has never played the sex kitten. This persona is what women have been fighting against for decades, and I object to someone who is espousing self-empowerment concepts playing that card.

Whew. I feel better. Have you seen any of Miss Krystle’s videos? Do you like the music? Am I horrifically overreacting? Let me know in the comments below. I’ll be posting some of her videos and other artists this week on my Minnich Music Facebook page, so check them out.

Until next time!

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